If the Worst Comes to the Worst
16 Things You Should Know Before They Happen
[This story was originally published here.]
Before I started writing this, I was in the process of writing an article about Adam Smith and Capitalism. That article will soon be out too, but I just couldn’t concentrate on it, I was just too damn scared.
While I was sitting at home working on the new article, my fiancée was out having a coffee date with a former college professor. I watched her pick her perfect outfit, put on the make-up she rarely ever wore, and sprayed on her best perfume. At first, I didn’t mind. We joked about her ‘date.’
Then, just as her date began with him, she texted me to mention something she had been upset about with me for some time. I shrugged it off and kept typing away at first, but then it hit me like a delayed explosive in my mind.
- All this effort to see him.
- The last-minute reason to be upset with me on his arrival.
- Her admitted tendency to be a bit of a coquette.
- Her natural and unavoidable allure.
I felt that annoying terror. ‘What if the worst comes to the worst?’
To be honest, I wasn’t worried about a fatal attraction that would result in the end of my life as I knew it. Still, the idea of her laughing at one of his bad jokes, or giving him a flirtatious and suggestive smile was painful. I figured after a couple of hours of that though, she would eventually tire of whatever charm he had to offer and find her way back to me.
There was some reason to worry, and I perhaps had one too many cups of coffee, but it didn’t change the fact that sometimes I just think, ‘What if the worst comes to the worst?’ [This is not to say there isn’t some good to be had in a little insecurity in love.]
‘What if the worst comes to the worst,’ is something we all experience in the background of our minds.
- Shame
- Breakdowns
- Break-ups
- Failure
- Death
- Suffering
- Loss
Whatever the fear may be, they hit us seemingly unexpectedly and often hard. When they do, we look for ways to overlook it. We say to ourselves in a kind voice, ‘Oh, nothing like that would ever happen.’
We try to ignore it and imagine the best-case scenario instead. It is well-intended to do this for ourselves, but unfortunately, it doesn’t help resolve the fear, in fact, it can bury it deeper inside. So deep we forget it is there as it grows stronger and stronger for its next appearance.
This mysterious trepidation then looms so largely it overshadows any chance of ‘positive thinking.’
16 ‘If the Worst Comes to the Worst’ Nuggets of Wisdom
So let’s face our fears. Let us imagine what would happen if the worst came to the worst and look fear and anxiety right in the eyes. Let’s drain these fears of all the horrible details until they are left powerless.
Ultimately, we will realize, that however bad things could be, we can endure the worst of situations.
So put on your best outfit, perfume, and war paint. We are about to go into the dark caves of our inner anxieties and come out with a stronger sense of resilience and optimism.
For best effect, feel free to play this while reading:
If the worst comes to the worst…
1… I would accept that I don’t have that many friends. Yet, I would see that the ones still around were true friends. They are the ones that can see past whatever social status I may have, however horrible it may be. They would see the real me.
2… And I realized I couldn’t follow the same secure, appropriate, and esteemed path that was expected of me, I would be given the freedom to take a chance and find a more personally fulfilling career, however risky. With nothing left to lose, it would be something that I was too scared to do before due to culturally or familial pressure. I would stop feeling there were only one right path and one way things should be. I would throw away the status quo — and learn to do things that are my way and are truly what I feel to be me deep down.
3… I might lose the love of the masses. Losing that would teach me to create my own standards to define my value rather than appealing to what I think everybody else wants of me. I would start to feel more independent. I would be free of the pressure of the eyes of others. I would know the feeling of inner freedom given only to those that let go and stop trying so hard to be ’respectable.’
4… I would finally start to see the natural way of things before the thinker of my thoughts became such a nuisance. I would roam this earth with easygoing serenity, organic Zen, and the adaptability of nature.
5… I would learn to see how small I really am. I would be able to put my worries, doubts, and sadness into perspective. Looking at myself from a distant star, I would realize how tiny I was in the big picture of time and space. I would know that I always was and always will be but one small event in the process of the universe. It will lighten me.
6… I would learn to appreciate all the small things in life. Moreso, I would learn how blessed I am for every day that something bad didn’t happen. Disaster is a part of existence, and every day I am spared; it is a good day. Every day, I smiled for something; it is a great day.
7… I would soon understand how perfect everything truly is. That no matter how chaotic things may become in their seemingly warped architecture, they are quite beautiful. That despite how things may seem scarred or stained from the experience of life, they are not without charm and dignity.
8… I would be able to better see the difference between what is a serious problem, and what is simply an annoying inconvenience. Knowing what is worth my time fretting over and what is a passing and buzzing insect will leave me much more harmonious.
9… and I failed. I would be able to share my story and sadness with others, and they would feel comfortable sharing theirs with me. This humiliation would help us come together and face the suffering together that we would usually face alone.
10… And I was left abandoned, betrayed, and kicked away by those close to me, I would be left at the mercy and charity of strangers. I would feel and understand the true meaning of love and compassion. I would see the value and feel the power of kindness given without any hope of return.
11… I would learn the sound of silence. I would realize that all of the universe is eternal silence that is only interrupted in life. Stopping and listening to this silence, of enveloping myself in space, I would soon walk through life as an enlightened monk unbothered by all the white noise so often distracting around us.
12… I would observe that all of the strugglings we go through in the rat race of life for fame, money, and success was an almost guaranteed-to-fail attempt to make up for the unconditional love that I wished had but was denied while growing up. Without religious preaching, I could see that craving and desire only lead to grief, boredom, and desperation.
13… I would uncover that life isn’t about how long I make it last, but how worthwhile I make it while I am here. That to live intensely is more life than many know. I would appreciate and be grateful for all the love, laughter, and lessons I had received in life.
14… I would learn to accept that sadness is a part of life and that allowing myself to feel it is just as normal and okay as laughing. I would know, that when necessary, I could play the saddest songs that have been waiting for me. I could hide under my protective covers in bed and weep as madly as I want, for as long as I want. I would feel no shame in my tears, as if I were a child again, wanting to be consoled and refusing to hold back. I would accept every up and down and stage of grief until I felt emptied and relieved of the pain that caused it.
15… I would know that no matter how terrible it is to lose someone I love, no one can take away the memories. I would understand that as long we still think of someone and smile at the times we shared, they will live on forever.
16… truly happened, and I was no longer around. Then I would no longer have anything to fear. I would leave all of my anger, sadness, and anxiety behind me. I would, in my end, finally be at peace.
Still Wondering…?
If you are left still wondering if the worst came to the worst with my fianceé’s coffee date with her former college professor… Well, she came home with few words and a strange smile.
Damn.
Well, here’s lucky number 17 for our list of ‘if the worst comes to the worst’ nuggets of wisdom.
If the worst comes to the worst…
17… And my fiancée betrayed me either emotionally or physically, I would recognize that all lovers betray in one way or another. I would grudgingly accept, whether we stayed together or not, that those we love will hurt us the most, and that in return, we hurt most the ones we love. I would graciously realize how fortunate I am to have as much of her as I do, and I would do my best to never give her a reason to ever seek the loving or lustful attention of another man.
And lastly… I would hope she would never do it again. :)
