Make my Boyfriend love me again
How to make my boyfriend love me again…
In the beginning, he would go anywhere with you, even follow you to the end of the world, as long as he was with you. And now… Well, now it is quite the opposite. You have to beg him just to go to a concert to see his favorite band. So what’s going on? How can you change the situation to what it was before?
How can you make your boyfriend (or girlfriend) love you again?
Such a simple and short question that could very well be answered in a very short and simple response. I’m going to give you that small, but perhaps not so sweet, answer, and then I’m going to go a little further and hope you find solace in one or the other.
First, let’s have a look at what many friends, family, and random web gurus will tell you.
‘You deserve better, ditch him.’
‘He’s a moron for not loving you the way he should.’
*Insert one of a hundred links on how to ‘leave your lover.’
Now, putting those who have been scorned and disheartened to the side, let’s have a look at yourself and your boyfriend. The simple truth is, nobody can tell you what to do to win him back because that isn’t you and they don’t know him or what has happened between the two of you. At the end of the day, it is up to you. Don’t let somebody else make a rash decision for you. That’s the simple, short answer.
Having said that, here are a few things that may help you get perspective on your current situation:
Music
It’s normal for things to calm down. ‘Lust is the melody and Love is the lyrics.’ (I’m not sure where that’s from, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make that up.) It is the melody of a song that gets you hooked, that catchy repetitive beat and easy chorus to remember or at least fake.
Cue ‘My Humps’, please.
But it is the lyrics that keep you coming around for more. It is the lyrics that have you listening to the song over and over again, years after it has lost its initial flame and drunken nights of singing on the rooftop. The words, the lyrics, truly mean something to you down to the core. So you have to ask yourself, are you and him just a popular summer hit or are you going to be a classic that you one day dance to in your wedding?
Hormones and adult jokes
I may offend a few youngsters here, but age also plays a role in your perception of love and what is expected of a partner. If you’re a teenager, you’ll most likely move on, you’re hormones are influencing your emotions and decisions more than anything at this point. Now if you are still with me after that comment, teenager or not, I will assume you are mature enough to handle an adult joke and perspective. Men sometimes joke that
‘for every beautiful woman, there is a guy tired of f***ing her.’
Sorry guys for giving this one away and putting you on the couch tonight.
This shouldn’t be taken as literally as it sounds. Put quite simply, every woman (and man) has their qualities and faults, and unless you have more than one, you will most likely get boring. Are your ‘humps’ your ‘lovely lady lumps’ your only quality?
Right. Back to your qualities. I doubt your buxom figure is the only thing you have to offer. Make sure he knows that. Everybody’s nice, girls will take the nice guy that plays guitar. Have a reason for somebody to want to be with you, and don’t be afraid to expand upon that. If you’re a traveler, take him somewhere. If you’re a painter or writer, involve him and impress him.
Tough Love
Lastly, and the most brutally honest: you can totally blame this man for not loving you, it’s the easy thing to do and what others may advise. But if you can handle a bit of self-responsibility and self-awareness, you’ll realize it is almost always a bit of push and pull in both directions. You may be trying really hard, and that may be why he’s slipping away.
‘Let the flower grow.’ Something about a ‘bar of soap.’ Metaphor. Metaphor.
Or you may have such a life with your work, hobby, and friends that he feels more like a pet than a partner. Or one of a million other things. Both partners have to take responsibility for the future of the relationship.
It’s never as simple as one person was an angel and the other was the ‘moron’ or ‘cheater’ or ‘liar’ or ‘distant, cold, heartless robot.’ (Most of the time this isn’t the case.) We as your friends will say that after the break-up, but it isn’t the whole truth, now is it?
If you are going through some questioning about your current relationship, your current love affair, I wish you luck. And I am happy to respond to any of your messages for more specific situations and concerns.
In the end, however, it is only you that can see the relationship for what it is. It is only your state of mind that defines the relationship for you, not your mother’s, your roommate’s, or your cat, Charlie. Though Charlie may have some insight you shouldn’t ignore if he shares it with you.
Lastly, nothing in this world will be the same. There is no going backward. Relationships are a natural process in our lives as humans. And like all things in nature, it will grow or it will die. It is the beauty and tragedy of the living experience.
